Sometimes I want to do things just so I can see what happens. I want to use the word "fuck" in inappropriate places and in serious/professional conversations just to see how people would react. I want to leave the stall open in public restrooms just to watch people feel uncomfortable. (And in that respect, I want to tell people in public restrooms that I think they are disgusting when they do obviously private things in public places.) I want to often treat people as if they were really close to me when I don't know them at all. I want to tell people I think they are lying. I want to leave work in the middle of the day. I want to go to the store in my pajamas. I want to not do my hair in the morning. I want to write obscene things in my work stories to see if anyone notices. I want to go on a week-long vacation and spend every penny in my savings account. I want to do a coordinated dance randomly in a club. I want to not use punctuation. And I want to buy a dog even though I know that it isn't really the best thing for me.
I mean, seriously. What is there to lose? The problem I keep running into, however, is that I don't want to lose anything.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Relationships
Aside from my relationship with my really great boyfriend, I have a lot of others. The one thing these “others” have in common is that none of them are with people. This is not to say that I don’t have other relationships with people—this is simply to say that this blog is not about those people relationships. (It’s also important to note that none of these inanimate object relationships make my relationship with my boyfriend suffer too badly.)
Although I have a relationships with many “non-real” things, I’ve narrowed them down to the most important…and they are the following: Eric’s car, my hair, my computer (actually both of my computers—work and home), my iPhone, 19th Avenue, my Fastrak pass and my Celine Dion CD. Because I am more than sure that I have piqued your interest, I will go ahead and explain how these relationships work.
Eric’s car: Eric’s car and I have a very distinct love-hate relationship. I love that it is available for me to use, and I hate that it’s not mine. I hate that it’s not mine because it puts a large amount of pressure on me when I almost get in car accidents, almost rear-end people, almost hit curbs, park on hills, parallel park, don’t park in appropriate parking spots, don’t pay meters but park in them anyway, almost spill things, and when I pull into and out of our garage every single day. I also hate that I feel no obligation to buy anything for the car. I do buy things, but I don’t like it. I feel this way when I buy gas or clean the windows—it’s extremely selfish, but I can’t help it.
My hair: Also a love-hate relationship. The good news is that for the most part I love my hair. (It was bound to happen since I did hate my hair growing up, as any curly-haired kid would.) But there are some mornings when I am getting ready and I just absolutely despise my hair. The mornings when no matter what I do, it just won’t sit how I want it to. And also the evenings when I want to go do something and make my hair look as good as it did in the morning–but, because my hair really won’t change from how it was in the morning, it makes me hate it. My hair is a one-shot deal, and if I don't get it right the first time, then oh well for me. I have yet to face this fact.
My computer:
a) Work: This relationship is actually pretty love, but at the fault of my home computer. My work computer gets the job done and does it pretty well. My work Internet sucks, but that’s not really the computer’s fault.
b) Home: Now this is what you call a dysfunctional relationship. My home computer used to be the love of my life, now I absolutely hate it. I hate it so much that I don’t even turn it on anymore—but I really don’t want to let it go. It’s now too old and slow that I can’t even turn it on without feeling tension in my back. It really makes me that angry. But the thought that I would have to back this computer up, get all my stuff off of it and get a new one to put it all on again is worse than not doing anything about it at all. So, it sits.
My iPhone: This is a love relationship without a doubt. I love my iPhone, I am completely addicted to it, and never want another phone, ever. This is also probably the biggest Eric relationship strain, as I do pay a lot of attention to my iPhone. I also love that on the movie “I Love You, Man”, Paul Rudd pronounces it as one word, like “ifun” trying to be funny.
19th Avenue: This is a hate. I hate 19th Avenue and I’m forced to drive it both ways every single day. Lately I’ve been driving through the city to get home just to avoid this road. It’s getting desperate. The worst thing about 19th Avenue is if you are in the middle lane. No one in the middle lane is in a hurry or knows how to drive. They are simply there to make my life miserable, I’m pretty sure of that.
My Fastrak: I looooove my Fastrak. It’s like free money. I often forget that it costs money to use. I literally cross the GGB every single day and I pay $5, but I don’t every feel like I am paying for this privilege—and therein lies the beauty that is Fastrak. Also, when I drive to the airport, I can use my Fastrak to “not pay” for parking. It’s fantastic.
My Celine Dion CD: This is also a love-hate. Most of the time, I love my Celine CD, and sometimes the CD knows I love it even when I don’t. I swear there are very few things that can cheer me up at 7 a.m., but this CD is one of them. I will literally be driving to work and singing at the top of my lungs before 7:30 a.m. and thinking that I have the best life in the world. Celine is really some sort of magician—she makes me forget everything bad, and instead has me singing like I am winning American Idol. The one thing I hate about this CD is that I don’t love all the songs equally, there are actually some that I hate. And I get very angry when these songs come on just as loud as the other songs…they really don’t deserve the same volume.
Although I have a relationships with many “non-real” things, I’ve narrowed them down to the most important…and they are the following: Eric’s car, my hair, my computer (actually both of my computers—work and home), my iPhone, 19th Avenue, my Fastrak pass and my Celine Dion CD. Because I am more than sure that I have piqued your interest, I will go ahead and explain how these relationships work.
Eric’s car: Eric’s car and I have a very distinct love-hate relationship. I love that it is available for me to use, and I hate that it’s not mine. I hate that it’s not mine because it puts a large amount of pressure on me when I almost get in car accidents, almost rear-end people, almost hit curbs, park on hills, parallel park, don’t park in appropriate parking spots, don’t pay meters but park in them anyway, almost spill things, and when I pull into and out of our garage every single day. I also hate that I feel no obligation to buy anything for the car. I do buy things, but I don’t like it. I feel this way when I buy gas or clean the windows—it’s extremely selfish, but I can’t help it.
My hair: Also a love-hate relationship. The good news is that for the most part I love my hair. (It was bound to happen since I did hate my hair growing up, as any curly-haired kid would.) But there are some mornings when I am getting ready and I just absolutely despise my hair. The mornings when no matter what I do, it just won’t sit how I want it to. And also the evenings when I want to go do something and make my hair look as good as it did in the morning–but, because my hair really won’t change from how it was in the morning, it makes me hate it. My hair is a one-shot deal, and if I don't get it right the first time, then oh well for me. I have yet to face this fact.
My computer:
a) Work: This relationship is actually pretty love, but at the fault of my home computer. My work computer gets the job done and does it pretty well. My work Internet sucks, but that’s not really the computer’s fault.
b) Home: Now this is what you call a dysfunctional relationship. My home computer used to be the love of my life, now I absolutely hate it. I hate it so much that I don’t even turn it on anymore—but I really don’t want to let it go. It’s now too old and slow that I can’t even turn it on without feeling tension in my back. It really makes me that angry. But the thought that I would have to back this computer up, get all my stuff off of it and get a new one to put it all on again is worse than not doing anything about it at all. So, it sits.
My iPhone: This is a love relationship without a doubt. I love my iPhone, I am completely addicted to it, and never want another phone, ever. This is also probably the biggest Eric relationship strain, as I do pay a lot of attention to my iPhone. I also love that on the movie “I Love You, Man”, Paul Rudd pronounces it as one word, like “ifun” trying to be funny.
19th Avenue: This is a hate. I hate 19th Avenue and I’m forced to drive it both ways every single day. Lately I’ve been driving through the city to get home just to avoid this road. It’s getting desperate. The worst thing about 19th Avenue is if you are in the middle lane. No one in the middle lane is in a hurry or knows how to drive. They are simply there to make my life miserable, I’m pretty sure of that.
My Fastrak: I looooove my Fastrak. It’s like free money. I often forget that it costs money to use. I literally cross the GGB every single day and I pay $5, but I don’t every feel like I am paying for this privilege—and therein lies the beauty that is Fastrak. Also, when I drive to the airport, I can use my Fastrak to “not pay” for parking. It’s fantastic.
My Celine Dion CD: This is also a love-hate. Most of the time, I love my Celine CD, and sometimes the CD knows I love it even when I don’t. I swear there are very few things that can cheer me up at 7 a.m., but this CD is one of them. I will literally be driving to work and singing at the top of my lungs before 7:30 a.m. and thinking that I have the best life in the world. Celine is really some sort of magician—she makes me forget everything bad, and instead has me singing like I am winning American Idol. The one thing I hate about this CD is that I don’t love all the songs equally, there are actually some that I hate. And I get very angry when these songs come on just as loud as the other songs…they really don’t deserve the same volume.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Things I've found funny lately
A sign at a hotel I was at recently explained its alarm as the following:
Looks like: FLASHING LIGHTS
Sounds like: WHOOP
A dog was actually a lot quicker than an old lady (and therefore successfully kept its tennis ball)
Google filled in my search "Funny things" with "...to do in Wal Mart"
Someone accused me of already preemptively being kicked out of CityCenter in Las Vegas
I had to look up how to spell the word "preemptively"
I will be returning to the club I got kicked out of in Las Vegas for a professional function
In a bar conversation, the person next to me mis-heard the word "butt holes" as "buckles" (in this person's defense, I now know why the conversation must have been so damn confusing)
Eric and I have decided to go on a three-month plan before we get a dog
In regards to the three-month plan, we don't want to do more than we planned - and when suggested that we do, we both laughed
Looks like: FLASHING LIGHTS
Sounds like: WHOOP
A dog was actually a lot quicker than an old lady (and therefore successfully kept its tennis ball)
Google filled in my search "Funny things" with "...to do in Wal Mart"
Someone accused me of already preemptively being kicked out of CityCenter in Las Vegas
I had to look up how to spell the word "preemptively"
I will be returning to the club I got kicked out of in Las Vegas for a professional function
In a bar conversation, the person next to me mis-heard the word "butt holes" as "buckles" (in this person's defense, I now know why the conversation must have been so damn confusing)
Eric and I have decided to go on a three-month plan before we get a dog
In regards to the three-month plan, we don't want to do more than we planned - and when suggested that we do, we both laughed
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