I tried

Well, it's only 10 a.m. and I've already managed to impress myself. A few months back I turned on Pandora and decided that I was going to cheer myself up with a little Christmas music. So I tuned into the Bing Crosby Holiday station and lasted less than one song before I started bawling because, as it turns out, Christmas music reminds me of my beautiful Aunt Mary Ann. I didn't know it at the time but any and all Christmas music takes me immediately back to the backseat of my parents' car where I sat with my grandma and aunt each year driving around Sacramento to find the best Christmas lights. (Of course, it was no accident...my dad had already planned our route so that we would finish our light tour at the house closest to our own to finish the evening with cookies and hot chocolate.)

But aside from the amazing Christmas lights, my favorite part of the night was watching my aunt's eyes light up and arms spread out wide when she saw Santa. Most every year we'd go to a house that would have someone dressed up as Santa Claus, and this was Mary's favorite thing. She almost couldn't wait to get out of the car to run and hug Santa as hard as she could, and no matter what the circumstance it always made everyone else around us smile. Sure, she confused a few little children that she'd inadvertently pushed out of her path, but everyone else felt her pure joy and energy. She was so happy to see him, and she made sure we knew it.

Growing up, I went through phases of appreciating her and getting annoyed by her. But it never failed that around Christmas I wanted to be her. Because at 14, 15, 16 years old I didn't really care about a man dressed up as Santa on his driveway handing out small candy canes - but she did, because to her it was Santa.

There are few things better than those moments.

(Well, I was proud I had listened to Christmas music this morning and not cried. So much for that...miss you Mary.)