Things I've found funny lately

A sign at a hotel I was at recently explained its alarm as the following:
Looks like: FLASHING LIGHTS
Sounds like: WHOOP

A dog was actually a lot quicker than an old lady (and therefore successfully kept its tennis ball)

Google filled in my search "Funny things" with "...to do in Wal Mart"

Someone accused me of already preemptively being kicked out of CityCenter in Las Vegas

I had to look up how to spell the word "preemptively"

I will be returning to the club I got kicked out of in Las Vegas for a professional function

In a bar conversation, the person next to me mis-heard the word "butt holes" as "buckles" (in this person's defense, I now know why the conversation must have been so damn confusing)

Eric and I have decided to go on a three-month plan before we get a dog

In regards to the three-month plan, we don't want to do more than we planned - and when suggested that we do, we both laughed