"That's a plan!"

I was inspired this morning on my way to work to write a blog about how hilarious my mother is. Sometimes I'm not sure if she means to be funny...but holy hell, she is! There are several things I love about my mom (I know, original...right?) but one of them is that I can tell her just about everything.

So, after I get off of work today Eric & I are heading to the big SR to celebrate the annual End of Summer party at my parents' house. The party is on Saturday but we are going up tonight to get some quality time in with the parents and I am taking my mom to a wine bar as a belated bday present...anyway...not the point.

This week I found out that I have been recruited (they're calling in 3rd string here!) to go to my work's event in San Diego this weekend, which I am excited about - minus the fact that I have to fly out with several coworkers at 8:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. Well, because I sort of have a life, this ruins my plans to get wasted at my parents' party on Saturday because I will have to drive back home to be ready for the early morning airport extravaganza. And this is where my mom comes in. In our conversation this morning I say to her, "So, my plan is to get really drunk tonight so that I don't even want to drink on Saturday!" to which she replies, with little hesitation, "That's a plan!" But she says it in a way that makes me not know if she thinks that I am the biggest drunk on the planet or if she thinks I am the world's smartest person.

She just cracks me up. And if you don't think that I have the coolest mom ever you've got your own issues.

It's Official!

I'm not sure what made me happier - seeing the "Stunner of the Month" box in my tiny metal mailbox, or actually getting the glasses. I will admit that the glasses are not as ridick as I had thought they would be, they actually are very similar to my "real" sunglasses except that they are purple on the outside and silver inside (which is rad, by the way).

Even cooler, the stunner shades came with a case, a pink cloth to clean the lenses with and a description of what the glasses are called (if your curious, these are called "candy") and the small note inside also warned me to "not let them get eaten off of my face." I am in love.

New additions....

As a future biography title:

Onesie (this was given to me by my good buddy Tim who thinks this really sums up my entire life...)

Drunk Bike Rides (a tribute to my SD life)

I (will) wear my sunglasses at night

Last week when I joined the Stunner of the Month club (where I will get a new pair of stunner shades sent to my apartment every month), I officially entered a new phase in my life. From now on I will be cooler, faster, more popular, funnier and my game will undoubtedly take a step up. Basically I am a stunner (well, I will be when my glasses arrive around the 15th of each month). I will eventually be so cool that even when the sun goes down I will still have to wear my shades, just because I am that rad. Some people may laugh, but they will wish they were as cool as I am with my stunner shades on.

In addition, I will probably be using some words and/or phrases that you aren't used to including ballin', thang and bro. I may also be calling you names like guy, dude, homie and playa pimp. When you ask me why I am wearing my sunglasses at night I will most likely respond by saying, "Cause my future looks so bright!" or something to the effect of "I'm just livin' large." I will also be filling my iPod shuffle with one song, and one song only: "Number one stunna"

As a treat to my readers I will also be posting a photo of me wearing my new shades every month - just so you can see how cool I look.

A real conversation I just had...

Me: There are two concert halls named with the same last name? Wow.

Talia: They probably just gave them a butt-load of money.

Me: For sure. One day I'll have a Macie Schreibman Concert Hall.

Talia: We can only hope.

Me: (laughs hysterically)

Talia: Maybe they'll just name it after you for a great article.

Me: That's very likely.

Talia: I'm pretty close at least.

Viva Las Vegas

On my last trip to Las Vegas, I learned a few things about myself and my relationship with the Las Vegas strip. First of all, every time I am in Vegas, all I can think about is leaving. Then, once I get home all I want to do is go back. The place is so carefree, yet I feel like it's always the same...kind of like same shit, different casino.

Another thing I learned is that I hate the heat. It's not like I didn't know that before, but Vegas really brings it out in me. The minute my sunglasses go on I am over it. I want to be inside the dark, falsely lit casino even though it is filled with cigarette smoke. It's a bit weird - my eyes sting and my clothes smell when I leave but I'd rather be inside in Vegas than outside...doesn't really make sense.

Thing #3: My eyes react violently to cigarette smoke but only past 1 a.m. and when I poke my eye with my mascara wand, it hurts so bad I drop to my knees. (Come to think of it, that could also have something to do with the eye stinging situation.)

Plus, I am apparently really into gambling...never done so much of it in my life. And I didn't even come home with winnings, yet I still feel like it was a good idea.

And lastly, I really like swimming when I am in the desert. It's not like I hate swimming, I would actually consider myself a big fan, but in the desert I am all about it. If I'm not doing it, I'm thinking about it. It's weird. Anyway...Vegas is a little intense. Probably would be just fine if I never returned. You know, I get it. I don't sleep, I drink a lot, my stomach hurts, I lose my voice and I come home exhausted with smoke-smelling clothes. I get it. Thanks Vegas - you are one of a kind.